It's nice that you all think I'm so strong and capable. I only give the illusion that we are keeping it all together. We are trying. We have managed to keep all the pieces - trouble is that they are scattered all over the floor in 800 (apparently a favorite number of mine - I use it all the time when I exaggerate) broken pieces. I'm not keeping "it" together, but I'm not losing "it" either. At least not yet.
My anxiety peaks every three weeks (no NOT a menstrual cycle -worse) when Jacob is due for his VAC. Vincristine, Actinomycin-D, Cytoxan. I don't like being in hospitals. But more than that I don't like needing treatment from hospitals.
I'm restless. I'm tired. I'm worried. I'm burnt out.
It's mean to have you read this because you can't fix it. I can't fix it. I'm tired of trying to assure everyone that we're fine. We will be, but it's not fine with me to feel so helpless right now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
And my heart breaks too! You are doing well, Jennifer. It's not right, it's not fair, it's not fun, but YOU are doing well. And most people don't. We pray every day for Jacob and for all of you. Please tell Jacob that we read the blog and love the pictures hair or no hair. Love, Auntie Linda
I'm not sure 800 is enough. I do believe mom and my number would be more like 1,000. I love you dear, you are stronger than anyone could expect. You are my hero no battle!
Please give Jacob a hug for me and hug youself for me. Love you. Dad and Grandpa.
You are doing all you can at the moment. Your entire family are in my prayers each and every day. Know you are loved and it is hard but you're tough. Keep open communication and we will all do what we can to help you through this time.
It seems like a big puzzle dropped on the floor. When everyone picks up the pieces and puts them back on the table, the puzzle is still not done. Now we are just working on the puzzle to find the beautiful picture at the end or a sense of accomplishment. You are amazing and as your pieces seem to fall and then be put back together remember that you are loved by me.
I love you Jennifer! I appreciated the comment you left on my blog. I do miss visiting with you too, but other things are more important than that now. You are in our prayers, and you hang in there. I am here for you.
Post a Comment