Receiving Relief

There have been many moments that have taken my breath away the past couple of weeks. I found sweetness walking through the grocery store with all four of my helpers. I sincerely enjoyed having them all around me. Before I considered this experience to be torturous and taxing. I don’t like walking slowly through stores answering a million questions and having them make suggested amendments to my list. They normally swarm around and I can’t walk straight with them buzzing about. But my perspective has changed.

Other moments have been like I’ve been socked in the gut. Hit with disbelief, shock, and anxiety. Challenges have emerged in ways I hadn’t expected. I’ve had moments where tears would not come and others when they could not be held back. I’ve carried a weight in my soul, but sometime I hardly noticed it there. Sometimes my burden has been lifted giving me relief. Other times the weight is squarely on my tight shoulders. My spirit is given an underlying assurance that I can do it. That Heavenly Father will fortify me. Assured that I've been given gifts and talents to make this all work. But my mind doubts. My thoughts are overwhelmed. My body aches. My heart is grieving. My emotions are drained.

I’ve always believed in God – since I was a very little girl. I’ve trusted him and He’s trusted me. He has always watched out for me – even when the answers to some of my heartfelt prayers have been “no.” My parents taught me to turn to Him even when I was too shy or embarrassed to ask for help from anyone else.

I have been gifted a dynamic Visiting Teacher. Donna started visiting me a few months ago. She's an extra mile kind of gal and this has been VERY obvious as our cancer drama has unfolded. Donna is also the Compassionate Service Leader. She has called and asked how she can help. The truth is that I haven't exactly known what I've needed. There's been so much to figure out. I have confessed to her that I'm not very good at calling out for help, but I usually will take it when it's needed and offered. So, she has adapted her kindness and resources to my personality. She calls with a list of ideas of how she might help, so I don't have to think of everything.

The day before Jacob was coming home from the hospital we met with a nurse who basically said - clean the house from top to bottom by tomorrow. We wanted to remove any possibilities of mold, mildew, bacteria. We also wanted to eliminate dust and dander. I felt compelled to get home and get cleaning. My friend Jolie asked what she could do to help and I invited her along. She was there in less than 2 hours. Since I recognized a need, I gave Donna a call and within 2 hours she had herself and a crew of sisters at my home.

Not only did the kitchen (including the fridge) & bathroom & Jacob's bedroom get cleaned, but the other bathrooms, bedrooms, family room, front room, & laundry room, along with mopping were all completed in a few hours. My home was more sterile and dust-free than the hospital at that point.

I felt a rush of relief knowing that help surrounded me and that we had created a safe environment to bring my son home. I have no idea what chemo is going to do to his body. I needed our home to be a safe refuge for him.

A million thanks for doing the dirty work goes to: Donna, Jolie, Sheri, LeeAnn, Judy (who came on her birthday), Sharon, Agnes, & Anna.